Solo Travel

Alone time. Loneliness. Discomfort. Avoidance. Anxiety. They are all linked in some ways. Sometimes we stay in a relationship too long because we are afraid of being alone. Sometimes we distract ourselves with others or external things aka social media, phones, Netflix, etc because we don't want to be alone with our thoughts. We want to avoid the things that make us uncomfortable. We have all heard the quote,

“If you’re not uncomfortable, you’re not growing.”

When we actually face the things that make us uncomfortable, it can shake us. Thats why our mind uses defense mechanisms to avoid feeling that shake, which ideally is just a bandaid to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Disregard and distraction are just bandaids. These uncomfortable thoughts and things we avoid that arise can be caused from any type of trauma to childhood to attachment styles to past relationships. Everyone has them. We avoid any deep-seated issues but truthfully, we HAVE to address it. But, thats freaking hard to do. We have a fear of it. But, I decided to face my fears.

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”

— Abraham Maslow

We live in a world of distraction, so it is super easy for us to stay stagnant because nothing is pushing us to turn inward and tend to what’s underneath the bandaids. Eventually, bandaids wear off. My bandaid was covering the idea of being alone. If the idea of spending time alone makes you anxious, more than likely, it is needed more than you think. This is something I have been “working on” for, I would like to say, a few years, but truthfully, I didn’t take control of it until the last 18-ish months. I decided it was time to truly grow; to truly rip off the bandaid. I became single, lived alone, became financially independent with a mortgage, spent time alone in my house, got a dog, resisted the urge to be on my phone and even sometimes chose to stay in rather than go out. But, I knew I needed to do more. I realized I was tired of relying on others and external factors to make me happy. I knew the only way to do that was to get to the point where I was truly OKAY with being alone, being at home by myself, not scrolling social media, but just….being. I want to make myself happy. No one can or should be able to do it for me. 

Traveling and spending time with others are two of my biggest joys in life. I should be able to do one without the other and feel at peace. I thought, what is uncomfortable that I can push myself to do? I decided on spending 2 nights in a town I have never been to that is 2 hours away from my house and anyone I know. Let me remind you, your relationship with yourself is the most important one you will ever have. So this is why my journey to be the best version of myself continues. With that being said, I allowed myself to bring a sense of comfort to this trip. I have certain things at home that bring me peace aka organization (which calms my mind), my own pillow and blanket, a book I wanted to read, my puppy, and a town that was close to a place near and dear to my heart, aka the college I went to. I am all for creating memories with people around you that you care about but realizing that if you are internally not happy, you will always be looking for something else or searching for more. Ripping off the bandaid and truly understanding your weaknesses and not running away from yourself or your thoughts (solo traveling, in this case) creates strength, in more ways than one. Yes, we are social creatures but we also thrive on decompressing and resetting to be our best selves for ourselves and others.

“The man who goes alone can start today, but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.”

— Henry David Thoreau

My trip forced me to talk to people I never would have connected with, go in stores I wouldn’t have otherwise, and think about things I would have ignored. Lots of walks, exploring and stopping in every coffee shop; grabbed a glass of wine and sat outside in the sun, took myself out to dinner, people watched, journaled, read, took more than my fair share of baths, napped, and realized the happiness in the world around me. To be honest, leading up to it, I was nervous AF. In a way, this adventure to reduce anxiety in my life was what was creating some of my anxiety (but I think I’ve grown enough recently that it probably just pushed me to do it more). I was worried I would be bored, be over it and basically just wish I was at home. That wasn’t the case at all. I found peace in it. I actually woke up on the second morning and instead of grabbing my phone and scrolling through social media, I grabbed my book and laid there for an hour finishing it. I felt a sense of calmness, accomplishment, and overall placidness. 

Throughout this process, I realized there is a difference between being alone and loneliness. Being alone is taking time for YOURSELF between regular social interactions. The benefits are this so-called alone time are positive…it can overall improve your relationships, allows you to reboot your brain, reflect, recover, unwind, decompress, and even allows you to make decisions SOLELY based on what you want rather than consciously or subconsciously worrying about what other people want to do or are thinking. I read that “voluntary solitude is linked to higher rates of life satisfaction and other measures of psychological well-being.” I mean, let’s be real, satisfaction is what we all strive for. I am happy to say that I look forward to continuing to plan more trips and push myself out of my comfort zone. And even more importantly, I am truly the happiest, the most grounded and most independent that I have been in over a decade.

In conclusion, face your fears, don't avoid the hard things, get comfortable with being uncomfortable and create the life internally you deserve for yourself and in return, you will create more happiness and stronger external relationships.