What do you see here? Maybe just a cute picture. Maybe just another lifestyle photo. Maybe you like the clothes I’m wearing? But you know what you don’t see? A girl who was internally was struggling. Recently, I had been sort of noticing that I didn’t fully feel myself but I was blaming it on being sick or that maybe I was overworking myself.
I went to try on some clothes and all of the sudden, felt paralyzed with fear and stress. I had gained weight. The amount of negative self talk and possible quick fixes that circled my brain was actually overwhelming and I let it take over (something years ago, I used to let rule my life, weeks on end). So, I let those feelings happen but then took some time to reflect. I realized, it wasn’t technically about the weight that freaked me out (ok, maybe a tad). But, it really just made me think. It was not about the weight, it’s what that feeling represented. It got me to realize I had stopped making my workouts a priority, I was going to bed super late every night to get about 5 hours of sleep, I was waking up saying I couldn’t wait to get back into bed, wasn’t making time for myself, don’t remember the last time I did something outside of work I truly love/enjoyed, I was eating LOADS of sugar, totally ignoring hunger cues and just eating due to boredom, I hadn’t been meal prepping and I don’t remember the last time I even looked at the ingredients in what I was eating (something I truly preach).
One of the things I love about this community is that we focus on SELF LOVE, making memories and filling our thoughts with positivity. I’m ALL for it. But to be real I worked my ASS off to lose a lot of weight/get in shape after college and even more importantly to restore my relationship with food. I even started this account as a accountable tool to help me achieve that. Don’t feel shame if you “want to lose weight” or get in shape... just know, there is no magic pill, quick fix or blanket answer. It’s about putting your overall HEALTH first. I choose to share this with you to say it’s not just about the food you’re putting in your body but everything that goes along with it. Your mindset. Putting yourself first. And truly making choices that lead to your heart, mind and body to be happy.
I was (and still am) scared to post this I feel like there is lots of different messages on instagram aka everything from body transformations (weight loss), weight watchers accounts, fitness/exercise accounts to get in shape, body positivity, body transformations (post ED/weight gain). No matter which one you identify with, YOU DO YOU. Everyone has a different definition of health and that’s ok and thats how it should be. Something I have learned is that skinny does not automatically equal healthy nor does bigger automatically equal unhealthy. Healthy is a mindset and lifestyle. Some people are looking for inspiration on instagram on how to eat healthy because they want to feel good in their own skin again post baby or post college, whatever it might be and on the flip side, some people are looking for inspiration on how to recover from an eating disorder and want to know that they are not alone. And everything in between.
Acknowledge how you FEEL and decide what that means. I am here to tell you that yes, love your body and everything it can do for you, have a little more grace with yourself, do NOT talk poorly to yourself or your body when you look in the mirror but yes, be real with yourself and do what you need to do to feel your best.
One of my best blogger friends, Casey Edwards once said, “There are SO many things that we do to look better-get our nails done, buy clothes that look good on us, get painful waxing and threading done- that aren't really ever questioned, so why should losing weight with the intention of liking how we look in a bathing suit be any different? We talk about manifesting dream cars and jobs and homes and vacations. We talk about wanting to make more money and wanting to be happier. The moment we realize we want our dream body, however, we seem to turn our heads the other way.” … basically just sums up my thoughts.
Use these social platforms to follow people that inspire you to be your best, whatever that IS for YOU and to do what you need to do. Self Love comes in SO many forms. It can mean loving every ounce of yourself but ALSO striving for improvement.
